bowling with beckett

i've been running through thoughts like candy. But none of them are appealing. I've been strapped to the television cause i don't feel like thinking. i don't feel anything at all. I have no interest in the things i did before. i don't wanna write. i don't wanna play music. I've outgrown everything. what do i do then? slam slam slam. no sex. no decent food in my stomach. my stomach grows and my hair depletes. what next then? do i find something to do for the sake of doing it. i don't know. i'm really confused and i don't know what i want. i feel unwanted and i feel like setting myself on fire. my balloon string is turning black and when the music goes, and it's already went, i'm all alone. who am i then? I got shit to do. my head is filled with non thoughts of car wrecks, bloody fights with my mother, unprovoked violence, and strange eyes that keep on watching me. when i walk down the street i avoid eye contact and i do the same with my friends. i cant even look my mother in the eye. its pointless to let them read my mind which i know they can. theres nothing to see in there anyway. i hate everything i write and say and its making me tired. sad. overwhelmed with feelings of being too revealing yet not saying enough. not doing enough. wasting away in quincy with the same streets, broke beyond belief and without an interesting way to tell you about it. nothing special in my life. bored. so fucking bored. always waiting. always waiting.